Strange Dream. Again.

 
I had another messed up dream the other night.  I was quitting my job to go back to my old job.  All the people in my dream were people I really work with, but I have no idea what kind of business we were running.  We all had computers with dual monitors like we do now, but half of them were outside – and I swear it was the front yard of my parents’ old house. 

I remember as soon as I told my boss I was quitting, she starting delegating my daily tasks to everyone.  The girl I work with that just got married in real life came over and took my computer.  She said she was taking over for me and needed to get my computer set up for her but didn’t know how to do it.  So I don’t know how she was going to do my job.  I told her I wanted to get some files off of it first, but for some reason I never got too.  I told her I would set up the computer for her, but I couldn’t because I was quitting, and if I wasn’t quitting she wouldn’t need the computer. 

Another girl was running around watering plants. I guess that was part of my job too.  I wish I could draw because explaining this is hard.  Like I said, the front yard felt like it was at my parents’ house, only bigger.  But the desks that were outside were covered with concrete, like a sidewalk on pillars and they twisted all over the yard covering these randomly scattered workspaces.  The plants were on top of the concrete, and then there were little roofs over top of the plants.  And all of the plants were weird looking, like they were from the rain forest or something.  I guess that’s why they needed the little roofs over them.

I had to leave for the day, it was a Friday, and come back on Monday to get all my stuff.  So I came back with the boyfriend, and the whole time I kept saying “I think I’m making a mistake, I don’t even know how much they are going to pay me.”  We walked inside the building (apparently my old desk was right outside the front door) and we walked into this creepy huge storage room to get my stuff.  There were drawers on the wall to the left, like the kind they have in the morgue in movies.  All my stuff was in these drawers.  To the right were a really huge washer and dryer.  All my clothes were there.  The boyfriend’s clothes were there too.  It was really odd. 

Then we were leaving, and we walked past this room, and there were all these carp on the floor and they were all really bright orange.  I remember feeling sad for them because they weren’t in water and they were dying because they couldn’t breathe.  We made it back outside, I said bye to my boss, and we got into this really old truck that was parked along a concrete wall and left.  I started again about how I thought I was making a mistake because I didn’t know how much I was going to get paid, and I didn’t like working there before. And I was worried because I didn’t get my files off of my computer, but then I remembered the girl didn’t know how to set it up anyway.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Chill out. For Once. Jeez...

Sometimes life really gets under my skin.  It just has to start with something small going wrong, and then the next thing I know, my overactive mind has created a monster. One bad thing, and all of a sudden, all I can think about are the things I need to do that I’m not doing.  Things that aren’t really all the bad, but I make them bad. Imaginary bad things.

Those relaxation techniques would probably come in handy now.  But I forget how to do them.  I could never clear my mind enough anyway.  I would try.  And I would just fall asleep.

So my annoyances started last night. I fed the dog.  I emptied her new bag of dog food into the big Rubbermaid container. I went upstairs.  The dog usually eats in about 2 minutes flat, then come upstairs to be let out.  She didn’t come up.  Finally I went down there, and there she was, eating all her food.  Because I am a dumbass and didn’t put the lid on it.  So I get her outside, knowing she is going to puke after eating all that. She didn’t though.

Later on I was on the computer, emailing pictures from last weekend’s wedding to some people.  IE kept locking up on me, I couldn’t get into my email, and the CPU was at 100%.  WTF.  I had a Windows Explorer window open and Internet Explorer.  That’s it.  So I ran Ad-aware.  Didn’t find much.  I noticed that notepad.exe and windows messenger were gone.  I had that happen before.  Pinfi virus or something.  So I ran AVG.  It was late so I went to bed.  I was going to check AVG in the morning and see if it found anything.

Went to bed with no sex.  So I knew I was going to wake up feeling frustrated and guilty.  Frustrated because I kinda wanted some, guilty because I guess I could have initiated it.  But I was kind of sleepy, and then he rolled over on his belly, so that pretty much stopped any ideas I had.  And he could have initiated too.  I guess he kind of did when he said “why don’t you suck my dick?”  I don’t know.  Sometimes that’s fine when he says it that way.  Sometimes it bothers me.  Last night it didn’t do anything for me.

So his alarm went off this morning, way earlier and louder than mine and that always pisses me off.  I’m not a morning person anyway.  I got up to pee and saw that the lovely dog puked in the hallway.  A little tiny spot.  I went into the bathroom, and she peed on the floor in there.  Nice.  At least it’s on the linoleum.  So I walked down the hall to let her out.  I smelled something funny.  OMFG, she SHIT on the floor.  She never does that.  I get her outside, turn on the light and she had pissed in there too!!! I was pretty fucking upset by then.  So I started cleaning it up.  At 5:45 in the morning.  I finally got it all cleaned up, let the dog back in, went to wake the boyfriend up because he had apparently turned off his alarm and rolled back over.  The fucking dog came back in the house, ran down the fucking hall, and fucking PUKED in the fucking doorway of the fucking bedroom.  A lot.  Mixed with the spaghetti sauce I let her lick up last night.  Cream colored carpet.  I think I was beyond upset at this point.  So I cleaned up that mess, helped the boyfriend pack his lunch and load some really heavy generator thing into his truck, and went to check AVG.

AVG encountered a problem and needed to be shut down.

OMG!  Is this bad karma or what?

I restarted AVG and laid back down for about a half hour.  AVG found nothing.  So I shut down the computer and left for work.  I really just wanted to crawl back in bed.  Because this is when I started thinking in overdrive.  I have to clean the carpets better when I get home. I have to fix the computer.  I really should clean the basement. It smells like the dog. The dog needs a bath because she smells.  The basement is full of all my junk that really gets on the boyfriends nerves because I don’t need all that shit, and I really should get rid of it. I have to go grocery shopping.  I really should start figuring out what to pack and what I need because we’re leaving for Indy next Thursday.  I have to make sure the kennel can take the smelly, pukey, shitty dog again.  I hope she just ate too much and isn’t really sick. I never did clean the overspray off of the siding from when we sealed the deck.  I didn’t seal my wooden bench. I really should put the lights and tiki torches back up on the deck now that we are done sealing it.  I forgot to water my petunia. I need to get gas. I left towels in the washer.

And it just keeps on and on.  Rolling through my head, all these thoughts and I just feel more and more frustrated and the more someone tells me to not worry about stuff like that the more I do.

And my boss just pissed me off.  All way from Vegas he can piss me off with one fucking email.

I need to release some serious pent-up frustration.

Everything happens for a reason

A friend of mine from work got married this weekend.  I am very happy for her.  Her new husband, whom I’ve only met a handful of times, seems like a very nice man.  I can usually tell a person from a first impression.  It was so strange for to me to be at a wedding where the two people actually looked each other in the eyes when they spoke, and smiled and you could just tell that they love each other very much. I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous.

My wedding was nothing like that.  It was a disaster from the beginning.  I remember standing in the back of the church getting dressed.  I stopped and told my matron of honor “Let’s just leave. I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this. Can’t we just leave?”  No we couldn’t, she said. I was nervous, that was all, and my parents had spent SO much money on it.  So I stayed.  I cried during the ceremony. Not because I was overjoyed, but because I was staring into the face of a person I was not in love with, thinking “This is it?  This is all I get?  This is as happy as I’ll ever be in my whole life? I’m not happy at all”  I remember rationalizing in my mind, that I would learn to be happy, and learn that this was as good as life gets, and all those people out there that seem really happy are just that happy because they learned to deal with what they were given.  I sobbed during the Father/Daughter dance at the reception.  I did not want to kiss him when everyone rang the little bells we had on the tables.  I was miserable.  I found myself in the bathroom with my matron of honor, drinking Firewater straight out of the bottle.   I just wanted to run away.

My wedding night was nothing like I had envisioned. The honeymoon was awful.  It was like vacationing with a roommate.  Married life was awful.  He did what he wanted, I did what I wanted, and we just stayed out of each others way for the most part.  No sex, no love, no fun. Finally I began thinking to myself that this was not what I deserved.  My mother-in-law and sister-in-law hated me.  I didn’t care, because I didn’t like them either.  I stopped going to see them on the holidays, which was about the only time we were ever invited. My brother and dad started taking a strong disliking towards him.  Slowly they began to realize that he was as ignorant as I said he was, I wasn’t just “being mean to him”.  My mom, on the other hand, was still on his side.  He really snowed her. 

They decided I was depressed.  Well, no shit!  But they decided that the problem was me, not that I was miserable with the way my life had turned out.  She took me to a doctor, who labeled me “mildly depressed and obsessive-compulsive”.  He wanted me to take Zoloft.  I refused.  So they arranged that I go to counseling. Not marital counseling, but to a shrink that decided that I needed to learn relaxation techniques.  All this took place even though I would tell them I wasn’t happy because I was married to someone I don’t love. 

Eventually I began to distance myself from him.  I would sleep on the couch, blaming his snoring for the reason I was out there.  I quit going places with him, and eventually he quit asking me to go.  I got a motorcycle when he did.  I didn’t want to ride with him.  I just wanted to ride. That didn’t make him very happy. I started hanging out with his friends without him, which really pissed him off.  But I didn’t have any of my own friends anymore, and I needed some sort of social contact.  My only friend, my matron of honor, had moved to NC.  Finally I must have ignored him enough. He finally left. Which is a whole other story. Sometimes I think back and get really mad that I wasted so much of my life with him.  But then, as I’ve mentioned before, I wouldn’t be where I am today.  At least I’m happy now. 

A little scarred, but happy.

Political Incorrectness

I just got in trouble at work for making an off color joke.  Someone emailed the office asking if anyone had seen the box cutter that was supposed to be in the supply room.  My reply to all (big mistake) mentioned something about an Arabic man.  Sorry.  It just happened before I could think. As soon as I sent it I recieved this statement from my supervisor:

"Um…yeah….you can't really say that in email. Can't really make ethnic, religious or sexual cracks in email."

Right I forgot. My bad. It's true though. I shouldn't have done it and you can bet I won't do it again. I wouldn't be so upset about it if I thought that would be the end of it. But I'm willing to bet that I will be in meetings all day tomorrow, getting scolded for my inappropriate email. I could even end up on probation.   I'm used to working for little companies, with under 10 employees, where you can say things that real people say and not worry about all this political correctness bull shit.

And the ironic thing is, our company performs Patriot searches.  You know, the search that checks *ahem* Non-American names when they are applying for a mortgage to make sure they aren't a suspected terrorist? Sorry people, the thought is just always in the back of my head!

See what one little bad decision can do?

Concentrate...

Anybody there?         
I don’t think a whole lot of people read my blog.  And that’s ok.  Sometimes I find myself censoring what I write.  I don’t lie, I just kind of leave some things out.  I guess it is out of fear that someone I know will find it.  But I guess as long as I am honest, I shouldn’t worry about it.
 
Bad Dog
I almost yelled at the dog last night when I shouldn’t have.  I walked into the kitchen to find a BIG puddle on the linoleum.  She just came in!  What the hell?  Wait a minute…that’s water…from the dishwasher.  Great!  That will match the leak from the shower!  The one that made the ceiling in the garage black. I love owning a home.
 
Dum dum da dum…
I have a wedding to go to on Saturday.  Which means I have to wear a dress.  Which means I can’t wear my boots.  Which means I will probably trip or fall off my heel at least 5 times during the night and people will look at me like I am a moron. Probably more as the night goes on. I’m so not girly when it comes to clothing and shoes. I’d much rather sit in my jeans and skechers than an uncomfortable dress and painful shoes. But I’ll look good, dammit.
 
Sandy Beaches.
We are supposed to go on vacation this winter to Cancun. I can’t wait. I’ve never been anywhere like that before, and I haven’t been to a beach in probably 8 years.  I love the ocean. And I don’t want to rush into winter but I’m so excited to go!  Hot sun, pina coladas at the tiki bar, renting a motorcycle for a day, shopping.  It’ll be great.
 
What?
My thoughts are really scattered today. I can’t really concentrate. I don’t know why, I got plenty of sleep.  Sometimes I just get like this. And the thoughts I’ve written about are exactly how my brain works, jumping from subject to subject.  Random thoughts that enter my head unprovoked.
 
Maybe I’ll ramble some more later.

Random Quiz

I got this from notcuredyet. He got it from someone else who got it from someone else.
 
random blog stupidness:
 
(x) - you've done
(_) - you haven't done
 
(x) been dumped
(x) dumped someone
(_) shoplifted
(_) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight
(_) had a threesome
(_) snuck out of my parent's house
(x) been tied up (sexually)
(x) been caught masturbating
(x) broken an arm
(_) had a one night stand
(_) had sex with a member of the same sex
(_) been arrested
(_) stolen parents' car
(x) made out with a stranger
(x) stole something from a job
(_) celebrated new years in time square
(x) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend (of course you don't look fat in that)
(_) had a crush on a teacher
(_) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(_) been to Europe
(_) skipped school
(_) skipped school soley to smoke pot
(x) slept with a co-worker
(x) cut myself on purpose
(x) been drunk
(x) smoked pot
(_) snorted anything
(_) popped pills (not tylenol)
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
(_) crashed a friend's car
(_) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) had anal sex
(x) been in love
(x) had sex
(x) had sex in public or a public place
(_) had sex at the office
(x) been engaged
(x) been married
(x) gotten divorced
(_) had children
(_) seen someone die
(_) been to Africa
(x) tasted my own sexual fluids.
(x) slapped someone I loved
(_) Driven over 400 miles to attend a show/festival/fetish ball
(_) Flown somewhere to attend a show/festival/fetish ball
(_) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show (well not the whole thing at once)
(_) Have been fisted and/or fisted someone eslse
(x) Thrown up in a bar
(_) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(_) Eaten Sushi(_) Been snowboarding
(_) Had sex at a friend's house when they were throwing a party
(well, how many people does there have to be to qualify as a party)
(x) Given Oral Sex
(_) Watched two (or more) people have sex (not porn, real life)
(_) Been moshing at a concert
(x) Eaten deer meat
(_) Made someone bleed, on purpose
(_) Had dirty thoughts about one of your best friends
(x) Had dirty thoughts about someone you've never met

Bartender!

I had this dream last night that I was working at the bar again. I was coming in for the late shift and KT was just getting off. The place was a disaster. There were tables pushed all over, plates and silverware everywhere. KT had the water running to fill up the sink and I forgot about it. For some reason, even though the place was a mess and was really busy, I ended up standing in the corner talking to someone for like an hour and wasn't serving anyone. Someone kept going behing the bar with a mop and I didn't know why. Finally I realized that people were waiting for me to serve them.

There were two guys, a lady and her son sitting at a table by the door. I made it back behind the bar and the two guys wanted another pepsi in a glass. But all the glasses were dirty. I figured out that the guy that kept going behind the bar was mopping up the water that kept overflowing from the sink that KT left on. I remember wondering why he didn't just turn off the water.

I got two glasses cleaned and one guy wanted fountain pop and the other wanted it from a can. I gave the pop to them and they said to forget it because I took too long. They laid a $10 bill on the bar and walked to the back. I remember wondering if the $10 was for me, but why would I get a $10 tip if I didn't serve them fast enough, so I figured it must be for the pepsis for the lady and her son. I gave them the pop and it looked weird, like it was all watered down or something. The kid took it anyway and drank it.


Now. What was that all about? I am particularly wondering about the place being in total disarray and me just ignoring it. The bar was set up exactly like it really is. The only person I knew was KT. And apparantly I was worried about it because I felt stressed when I woke up.

I dunno...

Things that are frustrating me today...

1. I can't get the kennel on the phone. I'm supposed to take my dog there Friday, and haven't been able to confirm.
2. Cramps.
3. People who call me about a computer problem, and then swear at me when I tell them to reboot. Sorry. It's the first thing to try. And I sure as hell am not going to walk over there to do it for you.
4. My boss brought his dog to work and I can't.
5. My ankles are swelling and I forgot to take my water pill.
6. I need to go get my hair colored after work, but be home by 8 - in time for the cable guy who says he'll be there at 8 with the new box but probably won't show until 10.
7. I need to go grocery shopping and shampoo my carpets.
8. Spreadsheets.
9. Haven't had sex in 3 days. Only one time was my fault. I fell asleep...
10. Cramps. Did I mention that?

20 Questions to a Better Personality

Well I took that personality test that I kept reading about. Take it here.

Here are my results. I guess it's pretty accurate.

Wackiness: 46/100
Rationality: 24/100
Constructiveness: 76/100
Leadership: 44/100
You are an SECF--Sober Emotional Constructive Follower. This makes you a hippie. You are passionate about your causes and steadfast in your commitments. Once you've made up your mind, no one can convince you otherwise. Your politics are left-leaning, and your lifestyle choices decidedly temperate and chaste.

You do tremendous work when focused, but usually you operate somewhat distracted. You blow hot and cold, and while you normally endeavor on the side of goodness and truth, you have a massive mean streak which is not to be taken lightly. You don't get mad, you get even.

Please don't get even with this web site.

Belly Shot Girl

So, I used to bartend at this little joint not far from where I live. It's my hang out now. If the place ever shut down, I don't know what would happen. All of my friends I have now, I met there. We would be lost without it.

I ended up with the job after my divorce. I knew someone who worked there, and she felt bad for me so she told me she worked Wednesday's and I should stop in and see her. I had driven past this place a least a million times and never realized it was there. After a month or so, the owner asked me if I wanted to work there. She said I had a good personality and everyone there seemed to like me. I had absolutely no clue how to bartend. She didn't care. So I went in one Wednesday for training and that was it. I was officially a part-time bartender.

I couldn't mix drinks to save my life. I remember being so nervous when a woman would come in because I just KNEW she was going to want some damn froo froo drink. I was used to the truckers and construction workers. It was pretty much a beer/shot bar. It got to the point that I would refer to someone by what they drank. You know, the Miller Lite draft guy, the Johnny Walker on the rocks guy, etc.

At least until it got late. Then all the younger, I-need-to-see-your-ID crowd would come in. I didn't even know what a Jaeger bomb was til I worked there. That has got to be one of the stupidest ideas ever. Let's mix an upper and a downer and get all fucked up and puke. That's what they should call it. The "let's-get-all-fucked-up-and-puke-bomb". Most people I know, if they drink more than one or two, puke. And they're expensive too. Waste of money.

After a while, I got to know who the regulars were, and looked forward to them coming in. There was this one guy from the west side who was there everytime I worked until close. He would get wasted and sleep in his van in the parking lot. I tried to tell him he could still get a DUI that way, but at least he wasn't driving. And I didn't mind him anyway, he wouldn't let new guys mess with me and he always took out the trash.

One night, we were having a party in there for someone's birthday or something. Things were getting kinda boring, and the owner was worried people would start leaving. Saturday's were never very busy, and there were quite a few people there, and she wanted to keep them there as long as possible. So she comes up with this idea of people doing belly shots. The other barmaid had a bunch of shooters she got from somewhere and we decided that for 5 bucks, the guy could do a shot of his choice and keep the shooter. The only catch was the shots were to be done off of my belly.

OK. So that's harmless enough I guess. I down a shot of courage myself and hop up on the bar. All eyes are on me. When you're the type of person who doesn't do well in the spotlight, this is nerve-wrecking. So I laid down on the bar and west side is the first, um, volunteer? He decides tequila is the thing to do, so next thing I know, there's salt on my belly, tequila in my navel and a slice of lime sticking out of the top of my jeans. Good thing I was single at the time. The owner was taking pictures like mad. It wasn't too bad, a little sticky, and then it was over and I sat up. There was now a line of guys who wanted to do these shots. I had jack, rum (sticky!), tequila, jaeger (that stains), and even beer on my belly. I was up there for quite a while. After that I was known as the belly-shot girl. It was even on the sign for a while.

Til the new owner took over. She sucks. I'm not allowed on the bar anymore. I did do a private belly shot session at a friend's house once since then. There are rumors that he and another friend of ours are looking at buying part of the bar. I guess she'd only still have like 20 percent.

Maybe belly shot girl will make a comeback?

Wonder if I missed anything.

I just got an email with a link to photos from my 10th high school reunion. I didn't go. As I looked through the pictures, I was feeling little pangs, kind of like I used to get when I was actually in high school. Based on the photographs, the same little cliques either still exist, or reformed at this function. I saw the same girls who were not so nice to me smiling together as if they ruled the world. I saw the same girls who befriended me during those 4 years sitting in the back, either alone or only with their spouse/significant other, just like we used to do. Only I wasn't there this time to feel that I wasn't accepted. I saw the guys I used to be friends with talking to each other, hanging back near the doorway. I saw the guys I wasn't friends with out on the dance floor making fools of themselves just like they used to, and everyone smiling and clapping for them. One thing that made me smile: a lot of those girls that didn't like me are a little plump now.

So why do I feel like I missed something?

The next day was a family picnic. All the happy mommies and daddies were there smiling, letting junior eat sand, slide down the slide, grab food off their plates while sitting in their laps. They were all probably comparing the other tots to theirs in their heads, and thinking how their little one was so much more well-behaved, or cuter or prettier than the others. There were others there with no children, and based on the photgraphs, that kind of split the picnic into two groups. Those with child and those without. I of course, would have been in the without group.

Which is fine by me.

I remember going to school dances, nervously walking into the building, only to see all of the popular girls in a big circle outside the gym. I hated walking past them. Once inside I would squint in the darkness and search for my small group of friends. Finally I would find them, and we would dance the night away. I didn't care at that point that those girls left tacks on my seat, or knocked my books out of my hands in the hallway. But by Monday morning, I would feel the same. Hoping my best friend would not have an orthodontist appointment so I would be able to sit with her at lunch.

And lunch. What a group of misfits we were at that lunch table. We were all the wannabe's. Wannabe jocks, cheerleaders, skaters, punks, even nerds. Yes, there was even a group of nerds we weren't quite nerdy enough to make it into. But man did we have fun. But I noticed that half of my original lunch table didn't make it to the reunion. They might have felt the same apprehension about attending as I did. And it's sad but I don't talk to most of those people at all anymore, unless I run into them somewhere. I'm horrible at keeping in touch with people.

Maybe I'll make it to the 15th. Depends on how much courage I can grow by then.

stupid, stupid, stupid

I am a whiny, needy, bitch sometimes. The blog didn't help. I had to call. With the pathetic "are you still mad?" question. And of course he says what he always says. He wasn't mad, (he sure seemed mad) but he didn't like some of the stuff I said. Well, I wouldn't have either. I was defensive and mean. Of course, he said some things that hurt me a little too. Probably for the same reason.

But is the phone call enough? Not in my insecure little world. So I text message. Are you sure we're ok? Yes we're ok.

Do I feel better now? A little. I feel annoying and childish, but I feel better.

I hate myself sometimes. I wish I could just turn it off. Once my brain kicks into high gear, look out. There has to be a better way for me to handle myself when I get like this.

But I don't know of one.

Ramble On...

Ramble On....
Well, I hope everyone had a nice holiday. My weekend started out nicely, kinda sucked for a while at the end, but then got better again. Friday we had an unhealthy greasy dinner at the bar. Yummy! Then went to the Rally. It's this thing they do in town where a band comes in and plays and you have to buy tickets to get expensive beer. The bands aren't always that good, or the sound isn't, but it's nice to be outside and run into people you don't always see.

Saturday was a poker run. It took us all over - more than 100 miles. Pig roast at the last stop. Of course I didn't win, but I never win anything. I discovered that day how badly some of the women in our group of friends get of my nerves. One lady who has just started hanging with us, was really obnoxious. She has an annoying, screechy voice anyway, and when she drinks, it just gets worse. She's kind of a dingbat, I don't know if she did a lot of drugs or what but she just seems spaced out a lot of the time. 42 years old (we know because we went to her birthday party where her 18 year old got trashed on BV and puked all over the yard. Good mom). Anywho, she's 42, about 85 pounds, and partying like a, well, 18-year old whose mother lets her drink. We leave the 3rd stop, and by now she is pretty toasted. So she's walking out and the pizza place next door has a sign out on the sidewalk. She proceeds to trip on the sign, fall down on the sidewalk, and break the sign. She gets up and runs out into the street with her arms up shouting something like "Woo hoo! Did you see that? That was me!" Then she takes of her shirt to reveal her gold bikini top, and the stretchmarks on her tanless skin. Ick.

Now, I'm sure everyone is thinking I'm a real bitch. Normally I am not this mean about people's appearances (I know I'm no prize either), but this woman rubbed me the wrong way this weekend.

She started hanging around us after one of our other friends met her in another bar and invited her to hang out with us. This girl has a tendency to do that, she's kind of too nice sometimes. So like a lost puppy this woman starts hanging around, and I see her sizing up all the guys in the group. She decides to lock her sights on Big M and S. Big M is the sweetest, nicest, most caring and sensitive man. S is the laid back, go with the flow, sleep with all the girls type. S dated J for a long time. J also dated NY M, who is now dating T who is the girl that brought this new woman around. And J is kind of back with S. It's a weird group. Almost like swingers but not quite.

Anyway, the new woman decides she likes these 2 guys. But now that J is back in the picture, she backed off and decided to go out with Big M. I remember after their first date we saw them at the Rally and she acted like she didn't even know him. She told me he wasn't her type. But now, these two are together all the time. And Friday night, while she is there with Big M, she told me how much she likes S and how she would fuck him in a heartbeat, and she thinks they have so much in common, but she really doesn't want to hurt Big M. and she has to try to control herself around S. That kinda pissed me off.

So I told T about it Sunday night (we had a little fire and wine) and she has now decided it is her mission to confront the hussy about it. Can't wait to see how that turns out. Hope I'm not there when it happens.

Enough for now. But I feel chatty today...