You might be my white trash neighbor...

"Do you like our umbrella?"

"Um. Yeah. Nice."

"We found it in the trash."

"..."

Not that there is anything wrong with a little garbage picking. Whatever. Some people throw out good stuff. It does make for entertaining, over-the-fence conversations.

Like this:

Neighbor: "Hey, I got a new lawnmower."

R: "Yeah?"

N: "Yeah, this guy was just throwing it away. You remember Tim 'the Toolman' Taylor?"

R: "Yeah."

N: "Well, remember his tools? Binford?"

R: "Yeah..."

N: "Well, that's what this tractor is. A Binford. I didn't know that was a real company!"

R: "Um. I don't think it is."

N: "Well, that's what it says on the side. Binford."

A little while later, after genius is back in his house, R looks through the fence at the "new tractor". You know what it said?

BRADFORD.

These people are brilliant.


This conversation was after the conversation he initiated about their new dog. A dachshund. A THOROUGHBRED dachsund. Which could work, I guess, but usually refers to a HORSE, no?

It was before his daughter had her baby because they REDUCED labor.

And it was also before his 15 year old son was taken away in handcuffs and shackles by two sheriffs last week.

I'm so not even kidding.

It's like Jerry Springer is housing his guests in my back yard.