Wednesday, September 28, 2005


What the hell is with the anonymous spam comments? I suppose the only way to block those is to allow only registered users to comment?

Not that anyone comments that much, but I don't want to just turn off commenting.

Fuckers. I don't care about your car insurance or gold finding solution or anything else.

Leave my blog alone.

Well, what did you expect...

Nobody rubbed my face with a wet washcloth this morning.


Yeah, a wet washcloth. Nobody did.

In my (odd) family, when it was your birthday, mom barged into your room in the morning hollering Happy Birthday!!! and then proceeded to rub a wet washcloth on your face.


I don't know.

But it was tradition. Every year.

And nobody did it this year.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Hey everybody, look at me...

I am gimpy. Apparantly I have tendonitis ,which I thought was something only old people got. It hurts, I know that. I have to wear this stupid brace on my wrist that makes it rather difficult to type. And I get to use the mouse with my left hand. And everyone keeps asking me, "What'd you do?" At least it isn't broken, as I originally thought. I can take this thing off to shower. Casts suck.

I'm not going to be an aunt anymore. At least not for now. SIL had a miscarriage. Well, kind of. I don't really understand. It is dead, but still inside her, which seems kind of creepy to me. If she doesn't pass it withing a few days, they'll have to remove it. I called my brother and he sounded rather sad. I heard his voice break when he said goodbye. I cried because I made him cry. But, as cold-hearted as this may sound, it happened for a reason. At least that is what I believe. It all works out how it's supposed to, whether you like it or not.

I wish I had something good to think about. I'm trying to come up with something. Um. Let's see. We got rid of the old ugly refrigerator that was in our basement. So now we can rearrange our basement. We are supposed to get rocks this weekend to complete my little rock garden in the back yard. (Thank you R, for tolerating my silly ideas.) Um. Gas is still under $3 per gallon...for now.

Yeah. That's about all I got.


Monday, September 26, 2005

Dark and Gray....

They sky is a dark gray today. Sometimes this weather makes me feel tired and sad, but today it is comforting. I'm not sure why. Perhaps because it is still warm. It should be upsetting me. The rain has been frequent lately. It is dark and gloomy more than it is bright and sunny. Soon it will be cooling off, then winter will arrive and work will slow. I have already started to worry about that, even though R tells me not to worry and that everything will be ok. I want to believe Him. And, I do believe Him, when He pulls me into His lap and strokes my hair and whispers that everything will be fine. But when I am by myself, driving or at work, in the silence, thinking too much, I start to worry again. What good does worrying do? None. What good does crying do? None.

But sometimes, I just can't help it.

This is not how I want to be. I don't want to worry. I don't want to be sad. Or scared. It makes my head and neck hurt. It makes me tired. I want to be happy go lucky. I want to smile more. I want everything to be just right. I want good luck. I want to be able to wake up and not think about anything bad. I want to look forward to the holidays.

Maybe next year.

Friday, September 16, 2005

A knot in my stomach...

I have the uncanny ability to worry about everything under the sun. If there isn't anything to worry about, I will create something. It really is a horrible habit that I wish I could break.

Right now R has Z-dog at the vet. It is just for her regular vaccinations and to refill her medications. Why I am worried is beyond me. I suppose my over-active imagination is telling me that they will discover that her cancer is far worse than I expect it to be and R will have to come home with out my doggie.

Her tumor is getting quite large, but aside from her very noticeable limp, she seems to be fine. She still plays and barks and eats and begs and does all of the other doggie things she has always done. It makes me very sad to think about it.

I don't want her to hurt, and a part of me, which causes me to feel much guilt, almost wishes that it would just take her, so the wait would be over. How selfish is that? But then I think about not having my doggie anymore and it just breaks my heart.

I have to stop now. It is making me too sad to think about it anymore.

I can't move past it. Unless...

Is it wrong to want to be punished for doing something wrong? Is it odd that I will continue to feel guilty unless I am punished? That being punished makes me feel absolved? Forgiven? Like I have been given a clean slate. It tells me, you were wrong, it is over, now you will start over and be good.

My smart mouth and nasty attitude can get me in trouble. I know this, usually as soon as the words form on my lips. Yet I don't stop myself and continue to spew until I have upset someone.

This time it was Him.

Will I be forgiven, or will I be forced to carry the guilt?

I suppose that would be a worse punishment for me. Almost like torture, as it eats away at me, a constant thought in the back of my mind.

Please forgive me.

I would like to try again.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Today is better...

Yesterday was a total cluster fuck of a day. I felt like I couldn't get anything right. People were coming to be with brand new problems that I had no experience with and no idea where to even start to try to solve them.

I HATE days like that. They give me headaches.

Today I feel better, having passed the buck on a few of the problems. Not intentionally just to be lazy, but because I truly have no idea how to figure out the problems. Time to wait for tech support to give me a clue. And you know how quickly tech support personnel respond to help requests. Yeah. I should have an answer for my clients by Friday. In October. Of 2006.

So I spent yesterday feeling fairly useless, which, in turn, made me a little insecure, which in turn ruined what could have been a really fun evening involving R, a game called Intimate Commands, and some cold beverages. Oh well, at least he got a lap dance out of it before it all went downhill.

Tonight is a date night! Which should be fun. That must be the explanation as to why I could be in such a good mood today after such a crappy hump day. We're trying out steaks from a place we've not had them before. But it gets raving reviews from our fellow steak eaters, so I am not afraid. Bring on the steak and beer. Or steak and Jack and coke. Guess I have a decision to make...

Now the question is, will R want me to wear a skirt, or will we take the bike? Cuz I don't do both. Well once, for the wedding, but that was just in the campground. And I didn't care if they saw up my skirt. I think there are laws against that here. You know, showing your hoo-ha in public is bad, or something. Anyway, it's a tough decision for Him because He really likes to ride and it's getting late in the year, but He also really likes to put His hand up my skirt at dinner. Hmmmm...wonder which it will be tonight?

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Firemen September 11, 2001

Firemen September 11, 2001
Originally uploaded by JaG27z.

Friday, September 09, 2005

looting vs find

This still pisses me off.

looting vs find
Originally uploaded by JaG27z.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

I Heart Goodwill

I went on a shopping spree at lunch.

I got:

1 Pair Tommy cordouroys that have a little tie-up lace in the back and fringed pant legs.

1 Brand New! Old Navy sparkly denim jacket with the tag STILL on it.

1 pair denim shorts.

1 too-short denim skirt that R is sure to love.

1 Express bustier. Even though I'm not very busty.

4 Look-new-off-the-bookstore-shelf Romance novels.

And how much did all of this cost me?


Boo-yah! Who's the bargain shopper, baby?

Piss and moan...

Well. Don't have much to say lately. At least not anything fun.

Gas prices. Yeah. They suck. Can't really say much about it that someone hasn't already said. Just that I'll be staying home a lot more than I want to, and that I really wish now that I hadn't sold my GZ250. That little bike got phenomenal mileage. Oh well. Hindsight...

Katrina. Isn't that a bitchy sounding name? (Apologies to anyone really named Katrina - but I bet you were a cheerleader and would not have been nice to me if we went to high school together.) It's just all horrible. And what about all the countries coming to our rescue? Oh. That's right. They aren't. Course, we're not really well liked around the world, now are we? Who would want to help us?

I can't really understand the logic in rebuilding that area. I mean, yeah, it was a cool city and I never got to go to Mardi Gras and I really want to, but honestly. Does it make sense to chance it again? Guess it's like all those people living in California. "It won't fall in the ocean. Earthquake smearthquake. Put my mansion right there near that fault line."

Trojan.dialer. I have one. It has been on my machine for months. AVG finds it. It cleans it. It comes back. It causes Internet Explorer to hang (I know, I know. I use Mozilla, but there are still a few things Mozilla doesn't support - like all the hurricane footage videos from It runs all these porn sites in the background. You can't actually see them. You just see them pop up in task manager, and once you close them (about 12 in all) IE is fine. Until the next time you open it. So pissing me off.

Z-dog's tumor seems to be getting bigger. She's not acting any different though, other than her limp. She's still eating and playing and barking and drinking and pooping and barking and pooping. Pretty much in that order. Still wags her butt at us. Still brings us her slobbery toys. The wait for the inevitable continues...sigh

Summer is almost over. This sucks. I'm so not ready for another winter. Not at all. Not ready to buy Christmas presents. Not ready for snow and ice and slush and how it turns all brown and crappy from it snowing then melting a little then getting plowed over to the ditches. Ugh. And fall generally sucks around here. A few weeks of 50 degree weather, then - HELLO - it's now 30 degrees. On Halloween.

Anything good happening lately? Seems like there isn't. Maybe R can smack my ass tonight for being so negative. Something to make me feel better.

That would be fun.