Wednesday, June 28, 2006

I've packed it up and I'm headed west...

Well, it's time to be anonymous again.

I'm leaving blogger.

Old entries will remain.

If you know me, don't ask me where I went. I have been censoring myself, and I don't want to do that anymore.

If you don't know me - meaning you have never, ever, ever met me in real life - and you want to know where I've gone, email me. Tell me who you are and your web address and I can email you the link. There isn't much there yet...

Thanks for understanding.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Batten down the hatches...

This is what our radar looks like.

Eet ees so eekciting! Wish I had my weather radio.

Yes, I am a weather dork.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Birthday plus Friends equals Beer and Shots divided by Not Such a Good Idea After All

Yesterday was Mr.'s birthday. We began celebrating Friday. Dinner and a few drinks. No biggie. Saturday was riding and to the dealership where I copped out on the whole gift giving surprise thing and just told Him to get the riding jacket He's been wanting. Later there was a naked pool party at our friend's house. Well, the girls were naked. The guys stood outside the pool's fence, leaning on it, sipping their beverages and making comments here and there. Fun was had by all. Sunday was the whole Father's day thing, then out to dinner again and in bed early.

Monday, however, one of our friends called and said he wanted to by Mr. a beer for His birthday. So we went to the used-to-be-our-favorite-bar-but-there-is-so-much-drama-it's-not-
so-much-anymore-but-we-still-go-because-our-friends-are-there bar.

Let me just state that it is not possible, at least among the company we were amongst, for a man to only have ONE beer on his birthday. Because once one person says "Hey! Get him a beer on me for his birthday!" the other guys hear (and actually the first one was bought by a girl but she's my friend so it's cool) they say "The next one is on me!" Then more friends happen to show up (this never happens on a Monday!) and pretty soon they decide that shots are in order, and if you are Mr. this is bad news, because while it sounds fun, this is only because you have FORGOTTEN that you don't drink shots and it is also Monday and you have to work tomorrow and then your wife says "I have they keys, you are SO not driving home". And that is hard because your man pride does not allow you to feel that it is ok for your wife to drive when you are along, but then you drink the shot and your forget that part, so, what the hell.

Rinse and repeat. And then again. Do not bother to drink the same shots. Drink three different kinds, more than one of some of them. Engage in conversations that you MAY not remember the next day. Walk outside to see if it is still raining. Suddenly look at your wife, after she notices the sweat on your brow and say, "Are you ready to go?" Get up and hug ALL of the people in the bar or shake their hands, except for that weird guy down at the end that you don't know. Walk, with a slight unsteadiness, to the vehicle. Successfully enter, but then try to fasten the safety belt into your cell phone case. Giggle. Request air conditioning and roll down the window. Realize that you don't really feel so good. Make it home without the tossing of the cookies. Hit the other vehicle in the garage with your door because you tell your wife "I can do it" when she says "wait and let me help you". Say "Oh, that sucks." Balance on the other vehicle to get inside the house. Pause several times while trying to make it up the stairs, again refusing assistance. Remember that it is garbage night. Continue with the man pride and insist on taking the garbage out. Succeed! Make a funny face after accepting painkillers and water that isn't quite cold enough. Request Gatorade. Enter "I love you man!" mode. Allow wife to remove your boots, even though "you can do it." Exclaim, "I know what you're thinking! 'Look at my drunk husband.' I shouldn't have done that. I don't like this at all!" Accept offer to go outside into the fresh air. Come back in the house and make it to the bathroom and again, retain the cookies. Come to bed. Express frustration at not being able to perform loving relations on your birthday.

Zonk out.

Poor guy. He is hurting today. This is not normal for Him. He never feels sick after just a few drinks. He had a lot more than a few drinks. I always feel bad the next day after just having a couple. He never seemed to understand my lower tolerance. I'm sure He's getting razzed by all the guys at work. Constructions workers are ruthless. I feel partially at fault. I should have discouraged the shots. But, it was entertaining. Hee!

Tonight we will sit on the couch and watch TV. If He makes it through the day. And I won't even nudge Him when He falls asleep in the middle of a show.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

What'd ya say, sonny?

ESC linked to this. I heard about it on the news a while back, but didn't think anything of it. It's true. My right ear stops hearing after 15,000. Left is good through 16,000.


I think there may be hearing aids in my future.

Maybe I'll just get one of those little trumpet thingies like they have in the old Looney Tunes cartoons and hold it up to my ear... "Huh? What was that? Can't you speak up?"

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

You might be my white trash neighbor...

"Do you like our umbrella?"

"Um. Yeah. Nice."

"We found it in the trash."


Not that there is anything wrong with a little garbage picking. Whatever. Some people throw out good stuff. It does make for entertaining, over-the-fence conversations.

Like this:

Neighbor: "Hey, I got a new lawnmower."

R: "Yeah?"

N: "Yeah, this guy was just throwing it away. You remember Tim 'the Toolman' Taylor?"

R: "Yeah."

N: "Well, remember his tools? Binford?"

R: "Yeah..."

N: "Well, that's what this tractor is. A Binford. I didn't know that was a real company!"

R: "Um. I don't think it is."

N: "Well, that's what it says on the side. Binford."

A little while later, after genius is back in his house, R looks through the fence at the "new tractor". You know what it said?


These people are brilliant.

This conversation was after the conversation he initiated about their new dog. A dachshund. A THOROUGHBRED dachsund. Which could work, I guess, but usually refers to a HORSE, no?

It was before his daughter had her baby because they REDUCED labor.

And it was also before his 15 year old son was taken away in handcuffs and shackles by two sheriffs last week.

I'm so not even kidding.

It's like Jerry Springer is housing his guests in my back yard.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Yeah I got nothin...

Just didn't like seeing a large view of my neglected nail polish.

I've got nothing to say right now, a miracle to some. On vacation, trying to relax and enjoy myself, but not quite able to stop feeling sorry for myself because I'm on vacation but I'm still at home. Eh, maybe next year I'll see the beach. And a pool with a swim-up bar.