Tuesday, January 31, 2006

It's the little things...

My friend and I are planning on going downtown for St. Patty's Day next month. I was told the parade is really cool and the bars open at 5:30 AM. Just what we need. I didn't even know they HAD a parade and got the party started so early. Seems everyone else I know was aware of this fact. It makes me wonder what else I'm missing out on...

Anyway, I was approved for the day off, as was my friend. I was telling R that I got the day off and KT and maybe T wanted to go, and then I asked Him if He wanted to go. He said it would depend on who's going. I told Him and He said, "We'll see, you might have more fun by yourselves, but you might need a body guard..."

And I liked the thought of that. Me and my silly friends, escorted by R, in the big city... And then I thought about it some more, and I wondered if they might NOT like that. I don't know. Maybe they would think that He wouldn't let me go without Him. Maybe they wouldn't think anything of it and like Him being there just because He IS fun to go out with. Not one the girls - not by a long shot - but fun nonetheless...

I know that T would always tell her ex that she wished he was more like R. But would she really? To be protective? She is very headstrong and THINKS she knows what she wants. She doesn't want someone to tell her what to do. Where to go. What to wear. How to act. And she certainly wouldn't have liked for him to follow her around. I know this, because he has... But that was more of a spying thing so I guess it's different.

KT is the same way. No one is the boss of her. Especially her BF. But she also has told me she thinks that R and I have a good relationship. And then there is J, who always wants to do the "girls only" thing. It's ok to want to hang with the girls, but it doesn't seem necessary for her to make a point of it everytime she wants to get together.

I know He likes certain things certain ways, and I try to do those things, because I want Him to be happy. Then, when I do, He is happy, so He makes me happy in return. Give and take, right? Isn't that the basis of a good relationship? (And communication, don't forget communication!)

So is it wrong that I like the idea of having a bodyguard? Little old me, protected by the big tough man? I think any girl that says she doesn't want that is lying. I think she was probably told that she is weak if she need a man's protection. Or, God forbid, WANTS a man's protection. She may have been told she needs to take care of herself, that she can't count on someone else to always be there to rescue her. That it is demeaning to be seen as someone that can't fend for herself.

I call bullshit on all of that.

The right kind of man will be there to protect her. To make her feel safe and secure and precious and special. He won't think he is superior and she is inferior. He will cherish her, respect her, and show everyone around that she is something special that should be treated with care. If he doesn't, then he is underserving and she needs to move on.

And since when should a girl be expected to defend herself against a man? I mean, seriously. Most guys are much stronger then most girls. That's just the way it is. If some drunk decides he wants to grab a girl and drag her out back behind the bar, he's not going to look at the girl that has one or more male escort. He is going to watch for the girl that is in her own little world, giggling and laughing and totally oblivious to what is going on around her. He can walk up to her, grab her by the arm, tell her not to fight or he'll hurt her, and lead her away. And if she does try to fight, how much of a chance is she going to have? This is assuming he doesn't have a knife or a gun, because then ALL bets are off. I'm not sure that's a chance I want to take.

OK, OK, I know I went way off on a paranoid ramble there. I do not think that every woman that goes somewhere unescorted is going to end up raped and beaten and killed. I've gone out plenty of times with the girls and we have all had a ton of fun and we have been just fine.

But it is nice to know, when you are out, that He is sitting right over THERE. Watching you laugh and dance with your friends from a distance. And watching the guys watch you. He may be feeling a little pride that someone is watching His woman. He may feel a little more pride when you walk over, he hands you a drink and you thank Him with a kiss. He sees the look of disappointment on the faces of some. He sees the challenge in the eyes of others. They think they can get you.

But if anybody tries anything, they better watch out.

Because that's not about to happen when He's around.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

La La La La La...

Three things I would like to do, pretty much in the order I'd like to do them, if we have extra money in our tax refund. Or if we win the lottery. Which we don't play. So I guess we won't win.

Shut up, this is MY pretend-time.

1. Get my hair done.

Oh, but it is getting so stringy and the ends are splitting and the color is growing out, revealing *gasp* GRAY hair.

Gray.Hair. Not to mention I've basically had this hair, um, style (?) for approximately 12 years now. I don't even think I have the right to call it a style. It's just kind of there, growing out of my head and looking really boring. How can I be expected to live under these conditions? Surely, I'm much too young for this!

2. Buy a new, sexy outfit.

Shoes and all. I'm talking about stopping traffic here. Little dress, tall heels, slutty stockings. Oops, did someone get a peek at something when I reached over to get my drink? Tee hee. The kind of outfit that makes jealous girls mutter "Look at that whore!" to her friends. The kind of outfit that makes R say, "Holy shit, you are NOT leaving the house like that...Let's go." The kind that makes guys we know say "Damn! No wonder He married her. We TOTALLY missed out, dude." The kind that makes guys we don't know say, "Damn! Is she with Him? Because I'd like to get a piece of that. I'm gonna go talk to her." And when one tries, R shoots His this-is-mine-asshole-you-better-back-off look, causing the poor guy to retreat back to his beer and his friends with his tail between his legs.

3. Pay a visit to the strip club.

I have been to one in my whole entire life. In Las Vegas. I was so sleepy after flying through time zones and not sleeping on the plane that I couldn't fully enjoy it. I do remember that one of the stippers was a guy in drag. I did have fun though, and I'd like to go again. I'd like to watch R watch the girls dance. So long as there aren't any guys in drag. That could get ugly. Barring that, I'm sure He'd be all, "Oh, she's not that pretty. Her boobs are just TOO big. And seriously, why would she want to shake her ass like that? Right in my face! Can you believe it? I am just appalled."

Yes, I'm sure the conversation would be something similar to that. Because I would have on the aforementioned outfit, and nobody, NOT EVEN stripper girls with fake boobs, could POSSIBLY look better to Him than I.


This concludes my Thursday morning daydream.

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

I am a lovesick fool...

I think this is so neat. There are even two set in the Caribbean.


Yes, I am that lame.


Just yesterday, I was telling my friend at work that I am the bug in that whole "some days you're the windshield..." saying.

I suppose it's just my pessimistic nature, but lately it seems my luck has been really down.

Today's breaking news is that R has lost his wallet. He has lost his wallet containing credit cards, a bank card, his license, his insurance cards, some club membership cards, and at least 4 cards with his social security number on it. The last time he remembers having it is Sunday at the gas station.

The credit cards have been canceled and new ones ordered. New insurance cards have been ordered. I have to go today at lunch to close and reopen our bank accounts, because his wallet had the account numbers in it.

So what is a pessimistic, paranoid person to do?

Why, nothing else but think about identity theft!


It COULD happen. It happens all the time. You've heard the horror stories on the news where peoples lives have been ruined and how they spend all their time to prove that "no I DIDN"T use my credit card for THAT. I don't even have that credit card. That's NOT ME!"

I know. Chill. Relax. I worry too much.

People lose their wallets everyday, right?

No big deal, right?

R isn't that worried.

Why do I have to be such a worrier?!? Gah!

Sunday, January 22, 2006

So it's Sunday night...

9:34 PM. And what am I doing? Dreading work tomorrow, listening to Sirius Classic Vinyl, and thinking about how I need to blog more. Therapy, ya know?

I could blog about the incredible whipping and sex I had last weekend. I could blog about how I went out with KT on Wednesday and got all silly and danced around half naked in front of R for 2 hours after I got home. I was very tired the next day.

But no.

Instead, I will do this. Which I got from Lady Calliah, whom I found via Angel.

Boring, I know.

But too bad. It's my blog and I can do what I want.

01. What is your favorite word? Muches. OK, not really a word, but to me it is. As in when R says "I love you muches."

02. What is your least favorite word? Shlep

03. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Reading romantic novels. I can picture myself in the book doing whatever the main character is doing.

04. What turns you off? Hatred

05. What is your favorite curse word? Fuck

06. What sound or noise do you love? The noises R makes, when he's really, really enjoying my body.

07. What sound or noise do you hate? Yelling. From anybody.

08. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Antiques/collectibles dealer

09. What profession would you not like to do? Anything for "the man".

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? "Welcome, this way to everyone you've ever loved who arrived here before you."

Friday, January 20, 2006

I think I need to start doing this again...

I feel better when I get things out. When I do it here, I'm not directly complaining to anyone. I can't directly hurt anyone's feelings. I can make myself feel better.

I won't have anyone to tell me everything will be ok. I don't get that anyway. But I also won't have anyone to tell me to shut up and stop worrying. To tell me that I should have known it was going to be this way. That I could do without.

I can't talk to other people about what is bothering me. That would upset someone. Though talking to a neutral party would probably help, and let me think about things more rationally. I try to keep it all in. I can only keep it in for so long, and soon I blow up at the one person I was trying to keep it from, trying not to upset, trying not to drag down with me.

I really think if I start here again, it might help.

It certainly can't hurt.