Thursday, December 30, 2004


To all of my co-workers:

Unless you are also my friend, meaning you speak to or see me during non-working hours for non-work related reasons, including but not limited to consuming large quantities of alcohol, it is none of your damn business how I plan my second marriage festivities and whom I plan to involve in those festivities.

Do not tell me that the children will resent me if they are not included in a wedding ceremony I am not even planning on having just because you were upset when your parents remarried.

Do not tell me that they need to be included in the vacation destination of our honeymoon, or non-honeymoon.

Do not tell me I have to wear a dress, or cannot wear a dress, or should or should not wear a veil. I don't know what I am wearing yet and do not need your assistance in making that decision. If I decide to get married naked sucking on His dick while I try to muffle out the words "I do", then that is my prerogative.

Do not tell me that my family has to be involved or they will be resentful. They got to control one wedding AND marriage already. It is my turn to be happy.

If I don't want a big huge setting to wrap around my already very sparkly engagement ring and decide I only want a plain wedding band, I am perfectly entitled to do so. If you want me to have a big huge setting that badly, you may purchase it for me and I will in turn sell it on ebay and take the profits with me on my next vacation to purchase lots of souvenirs.

Do not decide on a date. Last time I checked that decision should be made by the 2 people involved in the future marriage.

Do not decide where we should go to get married. We are perfectly capable of selecting where we want to do this. You won't be there anyway.

You are not interested, caring, or concerned. You are nosy. I do not tell you what to do in your personal lives that I am not involved in. Leave mine alone.

I have known for 6 days now that I will be marrying R. We do not have all of the details worked out. All I can tell you is there will be no ceremony involving lots of guests, and you will not be invited.

Perhaps you should just say congratulations and leave it at that if you cannot keep your unwelcome suggestions to yourself.

If I need your assistance I will ask you for it.

Thank you for understanding, and please shut the fuck up.

A rambling post.

Oh, it must be time for me to enter my post-holiday funk. It's cold and gray, the pretty decorations will all be gone soon, and we will be left with a muddy slushy mess as temperatures near 50. At least the temperatures are nice.

I need to get the decorations down, and separate what there is to get rid of and what to keep. I didn't use at least half of my decorations this year, and I didn't miss them either. There is so much other stuff in the basement I need to go through and get rid of too. I'd like to have a garage sale in the spring, but knowing me, I'll just end up toting it all off to Goodwill.

The house is a mess too. Luckily I am off tomorrow, and I plan on forcing myself to clean and organize a bit. I really lack ambition for those kinds of things. R was called back to work this week, so hopefully I will get some of it done while He is out of the house tomorrow.

Right now I just want to be coddled and held and stroked and caressed. I feel...different somehow? There is nothing I am trying to ignore this time, no bad feelings in the pit of my stomach, and it feels weird. Truthfully, the love I feel for R is so much different than anything I have ever felt before, it is almost unreal. The comfort I feel when he wraps me in his arms is unreal. The fact that I am so happy in my heart now, all the time, even when I am complaining about work and worrying about money, is unreal.

But I guess it is real. And I didn't have that before Him. That must be why it feels different. And now it is so much more final. He has asked me to be His wife, and to spend the rest of my life with Him, and that just fills me with so much emotion I cry if I think about it too long. I am finally going to have a chance to be happy. As His wife. Forever.

To be His and only His, to honor and obey. To take His name. I remember how I used to choke on the word obey. Now I want to obey. I want to be His good girl. I want to be His slut. And I want Him to make me feel safe and sheltered from the world.

I just want to be His.


Monday, December 27, 2004

Method to the Madness

How was everyone's Christmas? Mine was just grand. Due to the blizzard I got a 4 day weekend. Got lots of stuff I asked for and stuff I didn't ask for.

R proposed to me. After He took the girls home. He told me He had something for me to open that I couldn't open in front of them. And that I had to wait to take a shower till He got back. I had something to give Him that they couldn't see as well, but it was a movie they aren't quite old enough to know about and a Playboy calendar. I was thinking His gift was some kind of lingerie or something. He didn't want me to take a shower because I put my jewelry on afterwards, and He didn't want to have to take off the ring I was wearing (cheap silver thing just so my finger wasn't naked). And I thought He just wanted to shower with me, which we don't do when the girls are over. It was quite a surprise. I didn't figure on that happening for Christmas.

I'm not ready to share all the rest of the private details, but suffice it to say there were lots of tears and laughing and smiling and shakiness and bubbly champagne.

And now I get to wear a big pretty sparkly rock on my left hand.

Of course, I said yes, once I could finally speak again.

I don't know when we will get married, or where, but I do know it will most likely just involve the two of us with a hell of a party after we get back from wherever we go.

And now I know why He once asked me what size rings I wore. He was sneaky enough to not just ask about my left ring finger.

And it fits! I don't have to be without it to be resized!

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let it Snow...

Fucking day. I wish it was Friday already.

We got this email from our office manager.


I am sure you have all heard about the winter storm we are expecting today and tomorrow… In addition, we are really slow and expect to be even more so tomorrow. If you are interested in having some extra time off tomorrow, possibly the whole day off, please see your supervisor. Please keep in mind that this will be based on a first come first serve basis as well as operational needs. This office is open tomorrow so we cannot grant everyone the time off. It really all depends on what the workload ends up being in each department. Please see your supervisor if you are interested.


Office Manager Girl

I asked my boss if this was an option for me, and he said "not so much." I figured that, but it still pisses me off. Perhaps because I hate my job, and driving in a winter storm to get to this hole is not high on my list of important things to do.

And to add to the fun, one of our other offices lost their internet connection, and the tech support is all a bunch of foreigners that can't speak or understand English very well. Why in the hell do these companies think it is a good idea to put these people in call centers? SBC Yahoo - you suck.

On another note, I'm so tired of Christmas shopping. I still have to buy a few more things. Just talked to R, he is out shopping again too. I am going to die when I get our credit card bill. It makes me sick just to think about it.

And the storm has hit. The roads are getting really shitty. Got a call from my network engineer, he's traveling at about 40 mph. R said he was topping out at 28 where he was. Guess we will have our white Christmas though. According to the weather channel website, it's not gonna stop snowing until around 3 AM, where it will turn to a wintry mix - just in time to ice up the road for rush hour - and then turn back to snow around 9 AM.

OK, my boss just emailed me that he is leaving and working from home the rest of the day because of the weather. Fucking Asshole.

At least I got fucked last night. I needed that. We were up kinda late, Christmas shopping and socializing. We got home and I started to fall asleep. I kissed R goodnight, and it somehow turned into one of those teenage makeout sessions. I like those. Next thing I know, He's on top of me having His way with me. That is such a turn on for me. He didn't ask, He just did it, and He fucking enjoyed it. I did as well.... :) Sometimes I just love it when He takes what he wants without worrying about what I want. Which at that point that was exactly what I wanted. For Him to fuck me, with little or no effort on my part and then go to sleep all happy because I made Him happy. I didn't want a long drawn out session then. Those are much more enjoyable earlier - or when I don't have to get up early the next day for work. Once I start worrying about something, I can't focus. Like "Oh my god it's already 2:30, it'll be way after 3 by the time we get to sleep, I have to work tomorrow..." and so on until I lose interest because of worrying. This time there wasn't time to worry. I could tell that He was going to fuck me and be done with it and too bad for me. Which is sooooo not like Him. I guess that's why I like it once in a while. It's different.

Tonight He's not getting off so easy though....literally.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

PSP Help

So I was messing around with Paint Shop Pro last night and made that nifty little picture effect below.

But now I can't remember what effect I used to do it again. Anybody got an idea what I did?


Monday, December 20, 2004

HI! Posted by Hello

How slavishly devoted am I?

I found this on Confused's site. Interesting. I think it fits.

Submissive: Though you realize you are far from
perfect you work toward being the submissive
that your partner desires. You have ideas of
your own that you will express and you have a
certain amount of freedom in your day-to-day
life. There are times when the yoke of
submission begins to chafe but overall you do a
good job in your submissive role.

How slavishly devoted are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Card Game for Lovers

Back to normal. Whew. Do I feel better.

Last night, after we ate, R asked what I wanted to do.

"I don't want to go anywhere." (Had a bad episode after staying out to late on Tuesday - don't wanna do THAT anymore!)

"I know. We're not going anywhere. Do you want to watch a movie, surf the net, play a game?"

"We could play that new Trivial Pursuit game."

"Strip Trivial Pursuit?"


"What about that card game you bought?"

"We haven't played that yet. OK."

After R finally found it, He sat down and read the rules. Pretty basic, determine who starts and then just take turns drawing cards and doing what they say for at least 1/2 of the time stated on the card.

The first one I drew said to have your lover lie down in a comfortable spot and then kiss, lick and caress them. Let them coach you. Playtime 10 minutes.

OK. I get shy. Telling Him what that first card said made me nervous. Having to do what it said made me nervous. Even though I've done it before. I guess it was just the "on the spot" feeling of having to do what was on that card.

So He got on the futon (I love that thing) and I crawled on top of Him. I started kissing Him, sucking on His lips a little bit. I moved down, kissing His check, sucking on His neck, and then moved to His ears. He likes that. Slowly kissed my way back to His mouth, kissed His nose, moved back down His cheek and neck on the other side and up to His other ear.

I sat up and pushed his shirt up. I kissed His belly and chest and ran my tongue up and down. He asked me to suck on His nipple. I did so gently. I learned the other night not to bite His too hard. I flicked it a few times with my tongue and moved to the other one. I kissed my way back down and pulled his pants down.

He was clearly enjoying the kissing and sucking and nibbling. I kissed His thighs, trying to tease Him a little. Then I delivered lots of little kisses all over His (very) hard cock, flicking it with my tongue every once in a while. I kissed the head, circling my tongue around it. I licked up and down the underside. I kissed and licked his balls.

I heard Him say something about ten minutes and took him into my mouth quickly and then got up to resume game play.

It's hard to stop.

He drew a card that said I could pick whatever I wanted Him to do, how long and how hard. I thought of all of my options, and went with a selfish one. I wanted my back rubbed. The tension between my shoulder blades that I get everyday from work just sucks. He did a very good job. I didn't make Him do it for too long, even though I wanted to. I could have stayed that way all night, but we had to finish the game.

I picked my card and it said something about making love to your lover for 10 minutes in a creative spot or position. It gave the idea "Ever tried a rocker?" Sounded like a good idea, we've only done that a couple of times on the recliner. Of course, having to give me the backrub made His erection dwindle a bit, so I took Him into my mouth again until He was rock hard again. Then I climbed on top of Him in the recliner. The angle allowed for almost painful penetration. As I tell Him, you can only go so far. I spread my legs out across the arms of the chair, so I was basically straddling Him and the chair. Now that was a fucking good position. Or should I say good fucking position. Ha!

I don't know if either of us really kept accurate time, I asked Him what time we started and he said 8:09. I turned around and looked at the clock, it said 8:09. Funny guy. It didn't matter, I had found my groove and was rocking that cock until I came. And it felt soooo good when I did.

Eventually we had to stop in order to finish the game. R drew His card and it said, resume the same activity as before, for 10 minutes only reversed. Alrighty then.

"Get back on that recliner."

I sat down, He pushed it back and with my legs pushed up to my shoulders proceeded to fuck me hard. Damn. Then He stopped, pulled me up, turned me around and bent me over.

"oh-oh-oh-mm-mm-mm-" was pretty much all I could say.

Then He just stopped. Just stopped and walked back over to where we were sitting before.

I picked my card.

Resume the same activity as before, for 10 minutes, only reversed.

"Did you put your card back in the wrong pile?"

"No, why."

"It says the same thing as yours did."

"You can pick another one."

"Why, you don't want to do that anymore?" I was a little shocked by that.

"No, but if we keep going, I'm not gonna last."

OK, so He could tell me to slow down if I needed to. We didn't even get up, I just sat on Him on the floor, with Him leaning up against the futon. I moved slowly at first, but then it just started feeling too damn good and I couldn't stop. The expression on His face told me He was trying not to cum too soon. That excited me even more. I bounced up and down faster and harder until He muttered something about "you might have to slow down". That just made me go faster and harder. He opened His eyes wide and looked at me and said "I'm going to shove you off of me and stand up and cum all over your face."


He stood up and I sucked Him until He pulled my hair and yanked my head back.

"Stick out your tongue."

I did as I was told, leaned my head back, and also closed my eyes. Not that I don't want to see, but He has been hitting my eyes a lot lately. He came and came and came and my god was there a lot of it. In my hair, my mouth, all over my face. He cleaned me off. I started to cry. Oh the emotions in me are so weird lately.

He hugged me and kissed me and told me He loved me.

I stopped and He sat down, absentmindedly staring at the TV.

"Come here."

I crawled into his lap.

"Now why were you crying."

"I don't know."

"Yes you do. Now tell me."

"I was just sad. I felt bad the last few days. Now I feel better."

"OK. I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Now lets see what Emeril's cooking."

I stayed in his lap for quite a while and He held me and caressed my hair. We got up and I remembered to finish putting the topping on the peanut butter pie (so yummy). Then we each had a piece. Soon I was falling asleep on the couch. He told me to go to the bedroom, and we did and He pulled me over to Him so He could put His arm around me and hold me as we fell asleep.

It feels so good to be back to normal.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Tis the season...

It's the most wonderful time of the year. Right. So then why am I so stressed out? The tension between my shoulder blades is unbelievable. I haven't had sex in over a week. (OMG - I know.) Part of that is to be blamed on my period and one night of drunkeness. Other than that I have no excuse.

OK. No sex, that stresses me out - not just because I want it, but because I know R does too and He just isn't taking it. That brings on more worries. Why isn't He taking it?

Then there is the whole Christmas thing. Yeah, I know, a time of joy and giving. Whatever. It's a time of spending a bunch of money you don't have on a bunch of shit people don't really need reminding me that I am stuck at this job no matter what. Please don't get me wrong, I really do like giving. But I am SO sick and fucking tired of staring at my checkbook and realizing I've spent paychecks before they are even deposited. I keep trying and trying to catch up and shit just keeps happening to stop it. R will be laid off soon, and we will be really strapped. Not looking forward to that at all.

At least the alimony is over with in March. 3 more months. Suck it up.

OK. Sex and money. Guess those are valid reasons to be stressed. But it's just a big snowball effect. I worry, I don't have sex, I worry some more, I drink too many Absolute and cranberries on Sunday and don't eat enough. Almost get caught with His dick in my mouth when His brother brings the girls back from Christimas shopping. (Good thing we moved to the bedroom and didn't stay in the kitchen). Have a couple more beers, finally go out to eat. Consume a margarita. Go home, talk about having hot, raw, animal sex like last Tuesday. (Last Tuesday!) Pass out on the bathroom floor. With the door locked.

Oh yeah, baby. That's hot. R popped the lock, woke me up, and moved me to the couch. I passed out again. He got me up and I staggered to the bedroom. I don't know if I took my clothes off or if He did. But I was COLD. So I laid down and tried to cover up. I remember him smacking my ass trying to keep me awake. It was no use. I was out. The last I heard Him say was "This is bullshit, JaG."

I was drunk, trashed, blitzed, wasted. But that comment hit me. And I tried to stay awake, regain my senses and go back out to the living room. But I just couldn't. I woke up at 5 in the morning. I felt like shit. I tried to watch TV - I couldn't sleep anymore because my head hurt so bad. R was apparently a little upset as He was already up and back in the living room.

So not only did I physically feel like shit, I did emotionally as well. And I wanted so badly to make it up to Him yesterday, but I had the world's worst ever hangover from hell. OMG. There were some points when I actually wanted to die. Kept it all down though. Probably would have been better off to puke it up.

So today I feel better physically (for the most part), but feel pretty empty inside. I just cannot go this long without a physical connection. I just can't. But worrying about it makes my body hurt. Seriously, there must be a million knots in my back right now. I don't think it's healthy to worry as much as I do. And I know worrying does no good. But I can't control it. I am obsessive.

I need a release. Badly. I need Him to take control of me. I don't have the ability to do it right now.

I need some more hot, raw, animal, Tuesday night sex.

Smack my ass.

Smack my face.

Smack my tits.

Fuck me hard.

Make me forget everything but You.

Make me Yours again.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004


Dude. If your gonna send spam, shouldn't it at least make sense?

I got this in my hotmail account.

"spot summary %CUSTOM_SENTENCE01 playing actually better

mother entirely progress notice hurry following send added! sleep dropped
quarter bent her" dinner foreign wrong during weight letters company?
american immediate pale marry presence name paid handwriting. promised rose
saying brilliant ways already instead wife creature, liked regular get familiar
sense called board pair having same! carefully understood future single catch
need care look heavy followed! silent recess husband fill? doubt door fact
passing something main usedto. fit write led board service where use,
ate clock sometimes probably god, reach cried reply land period nineteen parents
whether knew year. returned future month women matters position quick read


Yet another list about sex

I got this from Vader. I love these things. Just copy and paste it to your site if you want, and use the bold tags to highlight what you have done.


01. I've had sex in the past five minutes.
02. I enjoy oral sex.
03. I scream loudly during sex.
04. I love sleeping with more than two people.
05. I own at least two books about sex. (at least 10)
06. I've peeked into the locker room of the opposite sex.
07. I have taken money for sex.
08. I've had sex while under the influence of a controlled substance.
09. I've been in porn movies. (home movies coming soon – getting a video cameral for Christmas)
10. I have been the odd person in a threesome.
11. I have published the sexual exploits of a past relationship without telling my ex.
12. I have lied to a lover about having an affair.
13. I have more than ten tattoos.
14. I like and respect Jenna Jameson.
15. I like slow sex.
16. I have learned a lot sexually over the past year.
17. I have a sexual fantasy about another blogger.
18. I've been told I'm a great lover.
19. I carry a condom at all times.
20. I'm interested in trying suspension.
21. I've broken a bone while having sex.
22. I have had a wet dream that I am ashamed to reveal.
23. I have had sex in the rain. (Gotta do that someday)
24. I have had sex while someone else watched. (Well, they told me later they didn’t know that’s what was going on. We were all in a hot tub hidden by bubbles)
25. I would get plastic surgery if it would improve my sex life.
26. I want to fuck right now!
27. I like to play with food.
28. I like sex that's hard and fast.
29. I always brush my teeth after sex.
30. I shave my pubic hair.
31. I have traveled out of town to have sex.
32. I have fantasized about having sex with my brother-/sister-in-law. (not an in-law since I’m not married. Is it a fantasy if you just wondered what it would be like?)
33. I have had sex with a person from a country other than my own.
34. I dress to look sexy every day. (I do a lot though)
35. I have had sex with twins.
36. I have had sex with someone I met over the internet.
37. I have more than ten sex toys.
38. I like the way I look naked.
39. I have lied to get a person to have sex with me.
40. I change from one sex position to another in a specific order each time.
41. I saw my parents having sex.
42. I get cable just for the soft porn. (Not just for that, but I do take advantage of it)
43. I think legalized prostitution can reduce some crime.
44. I have a list of people I would like to see naked.
45. I am regularly tested for STDs.
46. I am one kinky bitch.
47. I'm always hungry after sex.
48. I enjoy phone sex.
49. I have been arrested for being naked in public.
50. I have had sloppy drunk sex with a stranger.


1. I have, either currently or in the past, gone over a year without sex. (Yeah. That sucks.)
2. I have a partially used tube of KY Jelly close to my bed. (not KY, but there is lube)
3. I sometimes buy clothes specifically to turn people on.
4. I sleep with my socks on.
5. I have gotten someone drunk on purpose. (Not exactly gotten them drunk, but encouraged them to keep drinking)
6. I set aside some time (almost) each day to surf porn online.
7. There are nude pictures of me somewhere on the Internet. (Rumor has it)
8. My family would FREAK if they read this list.
9. I can orgasm on command.
10. I have had sex standing up.
11. I have leather in my closet and I'm not afraid to wear it. (I’m a biker. That’s a given)
12. Given the opportunity, I would have sex with a porn star.
13. I know someone who needs a copy of "Sex for Dummies."
14. There is at least one extended family member (cousin, aunt, etc.) I would jump if we weren't related. (bleah.)
15. I think hose are sexy. (fishnets)
16. I think limited nudity should be allowed on television after 10:00 at night.
17. I like ribbed condoms.
18. I am pierced somewhere other than my ears or navel.
19. I have had sex in the shower.
20. My parents caught me having sex.
21. My child(ren) caught me masturbating. (Not children, but my parents)
22. Watching other people have sex turns me on.
23. I own more than ten porn tapes/DVDs. (Not yet)
24. I have used a vegetable as a sex toy.
25. I enjoy reading erotic literature. (Can’t get enough)
26. I can get wet/hard just by the sound of someone's voice.
27. I have used a sex swing. (I want to)
28. I have employed the services of a professional sex worker.
29. I have a membership on at least one adult pay site.
30. I would give up another habit (smoking, drinking, over-eating) if it meant having more sex.
31. I would consider hiring someone to teach me about the finer points of sex.
32. Given the opportunity, I would appear in an adult magazine.
33. I think reality TV should show who's having sex with whom.
34. I get wet/hard just walking into a Victoria's Secret store.
35. I keep a "Top 5" list of famous people I would like to fuck. (It changes a lot)
36. I have participated in an orgy.
37. My current sex life is beyond boring.
38. I am actively looking for a new sex partner.
39. I do NOT think having sex always means making a long-term commitment.
40. I have at least one sex toy made of glass.
41. I think anti-pornography laws are too restrictive.
42. People would be surprised if they knew how often I think about sex.
43. I think 16 is a good age to begin having sex. (Except for R’s kids – in their case 30 is acceptable)
44. I have special names for my sex organs.
45. I have used sex to get what I want.
46. I think the world would be a better place if people had sex more often.
47. I think some public nudity should be legal.
48. I have at least one sex toy that is purple.
49. I think a blogger orgy would be ... interesting.
50. Just reading this list makes me horny.

Going to the Dogs

I got this in an email. It kind of made me think a little. People just worry too much about things in life that aren't really important, and forget stuff like this.

If a dog was a teacher you would learn stuff like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy. When it's in your best interest, practice obedience

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising. Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body. No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

Be Loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

I'm seriously going to try to do more of these kinds of things.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

I *Heart* Mozilla

I have been using Mozilla Firefox for a while now. Love it. But now I am equally in love with Mozilla Thunderbird 1.0. It is an easy to use email client AND you can get RSS feeds from blogs and read them like you would a newsgroup. Way cool. Then you just delete the entries when you are done and next time you go back, if there are any new entries, they are right there in your inbox.

Check it out! I know you'll love it, too!

Monday, December 06, 2004


Hormones suck. I'm still not used to all these monthly things. And it has been almost a year since I went off Depo. 9 years with no hormonal changes really fucks with you. Now all I do is cry and whine and pout and yell for about a week before my period. Anything can make me cry right now. Songs, commercials, TV shows, somebody looking at me funny, ANYTHING. I hate it.

I'm trying to think about some of the stuff Amber said about this book she was reading and what she got out of it. About looking inside yourself during those PMS times of the month and not trying to pretend you don't have any symptoms and covering it up with medication. At least that's what I got out of what she wrote about what she read. Guess I am pretty normal, as much as any man would like to disagree. I'm NOT hamming it up when I cry, or when I am feel so sensitive, or easily angered. It's all real, unfortunately.

Bleah. At least it will all be over in a few days.

Friday, December 03, 2004


A house burned down last night not far from me. I had heard sirens last night for about a half hour, but didn't know what was going on. R said he saw flames over the trees when he was coming home from work. My coworker told me the name of the road today, because he saw it on the news. I thought that road was near my house. I checked on the auditor's web site for the street, and sure enough, the road is in my area. I clicked on the street name and there was a list of about 25 properties.

I asked my coworker if he heard the name of the family. He had not. He said he thought he heard that a woman was injured or died in the fire. I selected a random property about 2/3 of the way down the list. Just to see exactly how close the house was to mine. The Auditor's site will list all kinds of info about the property, ownership, transfers, and show a map. I looked at the map for the property I selected and realized the road was only about 2 miles from me. (I only moved in February - I don't know all of the streets yet).

I then said "I wonder if the Local Newspaper will have the story in its online edition." Sure enough, it was the first story listed. I clicked on the link for the story. 2 young children escaped the fire. The wife perished after returning to the house to try to rescue their pet parrot. The husband was driving home from work at the time.

The property I had randomly selected from the Auditor's site was the exact property where the fire was.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Naked Time

All better today. You know, sometimes I completely forget that I am now with a reasonable, level-headed man. I think I was so badly burned by my ex's actions that I just expect the worst from any man. I was so upset about what I had said and how it was taken that at one point during the day I had managed to convince myself that He was at home packing His things and leaving and if I was lucky He wouldn't take my dog. He wouldn't do that to me though. No matter how bad things got, He wouldn't do that. I know that. But my mind creates these little monsters that convince me that everything I thought I knew was wrong and it is going to happen to me all over again.

Everything worked out fine. After work, a discussion ensued followed by some soothing, and an "everything is ok" from Him. The fact that I am PMSing is probably what made this all worse than it had to be. That, and the fact that I OBSESS over everything. Seems like the harder I try to put something out of my mind, the more I think about it. It's horrible to be inside my head sometimes. But just hearing Him tell me everything is OK, or everything will be OK, even if He gives no reason why, makes me feel so much better and safe and content.

What also helped is that psycho bitch freaked out on him again last night about stupid shit and about her half of His pension. That burns me up just thinking about it. Of course, when she calls freaking out it also makes me feel just that much better about myself. At least I don't act like her. That woman needs to get a grip or she is NEVER going to find a man who will tolerate her, much less care about her.

So we talked, and went out, and I was weepy and KT made me laugh. We came home and I sucked His dick until I was sloppy wet and then I climbed on top of Him and rode Him and I cried "please don't ever leave me" as I came. And He just held me and kissed me and loved me for a while, and then He flipped me over and fucked me. There were no words. Just some grunts and deep breaths and watching Him pump away at me. He came all over my belly. Which was supposed to be a no fly zone since I got my belly button pierced, but it has to be healed enough by now for that to be ok. Then He teased my clit after he came with the tip of his dick, shoved it back in me and just sat there that way for a bit. Then He cleaned me off and we went to sleep. I swear, we sleep so close together we probably only need a twin sized bed.

This morning I was feeling a bit emotional and upset again so I called Him and said "Please give me something good to think about so I don't think about bad things all day."

He said, "Tonight, after dinner, we are going to get naked and watch TV and wrestle around. We'll pile up the pillows on the futon, grab a bunch of blankets and watch all the shows we have recorded. Oh, and maybe have sex."

Sounds good to me. I like naked time. So every time today I think of something bad, I'm going to think of naked time.

I can hardly wait.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004


Do you ever just start spewing at the mouth? Saying all the things that run through your head but you know better than to say, because most likely you are wrong? I do. I just did. I am an asshole.

I'm wrong. Opinionated and wrong. And now I've upset someone.

Way to go Ace, everything's going well so you have to go and do something to fuck it all up.


Fucking brilliant.

Now sit and dwell on it like you always do, and make it worse. Go ahead you blubbering idiot!

Time to take some advice and just