Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Warning - Bitchfest

So I'm bored at work again, typing this in notepad because I can't use blogger, except at lunch time. Of course, I usually would type in notepad anyway, I don't trust blogger to save my drafts all the time. Anyway, I am so far behind. Life has been pretty average. I still dread going to work every day. We just upgraded to Microsoft Outlook 2003. Of course, everybody has to bitch about the change. As if I change these things on purpose just to piss everyone off. Yes, please, complain to me that you don't like it. It makes my day so much brighter.

There have been quite a few things I have wanted to write about, but it usually hits me during the day. I can't always write about it then, and I kind of lose the feel for it by the time I get home. I tried a couple times to sit down at the computer at home, but it is so damn cold in the basement I just get mad. There is nowhere practical to put it upstairs, the bedrooms are all full and the living and dining room, well, that would just look bad. Too crowded. I said the other day I wished I would have bought a 4 bedroom house. But I'm just bitter right now. PMS and all.

R's oldest has been pushing me lately. I don't know if she does it intentionally to see if she can scare me off, or if she is just being a brat in general. She does a lot of things I would have been skinned alive for had I done them at her age. Bad grades in school, and disrespect for every one and everything around her (no manners, calling people names, breaking her bed, coloring with marker all over her TV, hiding empty pop cans in her drawers and closet), and now she has managed to destroy her hair. Coloring it 3 times in 1 day? Not recommended. Especially when you are going lighter. Using bleach. So I get to be the one to rescue her. Um, excuse me, but she was in her mother's care at the time? How the hell did this happen?

Anyway, we took her to the beauty supply store so I could get filler and color and try to cover up the mess. Only to get home and find she has chemical burns all over her head. Why in the fuck was there no parental supervision during this??? When I was 14, I would not have been permitted to bleach my hair, without permission, without supervision. Until my mom finally let me use Sun-in - but I was afraid to use too much so my hair just turned kinda orange.

Needless to say, her hair is still bleach blond at the scalp, orange everywhere else, with some nice dark brown chunks mixed in. A few days later her mother called to tell R that her aunt said she can't color it at all and has to let it all grow out. Whatever. I really don't care. I didn't want to have to fix it anyway. If I would have not gotten it perfect, her ungrateful bitch mother would have just chewed me out (actually R, since she won't speak to me) for it instead of saying "Hey, thanks for trying to fix what is really my fault since I let her do whatever the hell she wants when she is in my care because I have no control." Or something like that.

But I think I'm just stressing because in a week they will be at our house for the whole month. Yes, I understand R has kids. Yes, I knew that going into the relationship. Yes, I know I just need to be patient and kind and understanding. I guess I just thought it would be a little different. I don't have kids, what do I know about parenting? But shit, at least let me have a little say in what goes on. I'm not trying to be selfish here, I'm just trying not to feel like such an outsider when they are at our house. We do what they want, we eat what they want, we watch what they want. Of course, He still gets to do what He wants. If He wants on the computer, fine. If there's a game to watch that's what we watch (did I mention that they both have TVs and VCRs in their rooms?) The only thing He can't do is go out without a sitter.

Now before you think I'm a total bitch, tell me how long you could live on hamburgers, chicken strips and spaghetti listening to cartoons or music that you don't really like coming from the living room television? Because that's about all they will eat and watch. I can't tell them to eat healthy snacks like my mom did. They aren't my kids. I can't tell them not to drink 5 pops a day because it's not good for them. Not my business. I can't say "Say excuse me" after they burp at the table. I can't tell them it's not nice to call people names. I don't even bother anymore. Ok - I did on Saturday - and it back fired. 14YO was bitching about wearing a coat when we were leaving to get dinner. Hello? It's 15 fucking degrees outside! She didn't even have a coat with her. I said if she didn't want to wear a coat, she could stay home. R says "No, she can't." Fine. Thanks for the support. Just trying to prove a fucking point. So R gives her one of my coats to wear . She takes it off in the Jeep on the way to the restaurant, then proceeds to bitch about the cold temperature inside the restaurant. I just sat there.

Now I get to be her chauffeur to school next month. That's nice. Can't wait. Glad I'm not a parent if this is how it feels. Oh wait - this isn't how it feels to a real parent. A parent feels love and joy and pride. A parent feels the right to be in control and make decisions. I just get to watch TV in my bedroom while SpongeBob or MTV blares in the other room, listen to fights and yelling and drive them around. Why wouldn't I look forward to that?

The good news is I go on vacation in March. I will damn sure need it.

Oh, and I will be so glad once this PMS crap is over with. Ugh.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Still Alive

I am still alive. They are cracking down on Internet usage at work, so I can't really blog from there anymore. I'll be back soon - once I can get down to a night-time blogging routine.

Until then, I sit at work bored, unable to blog, and forget what I wanted to blog about by the time I get home.

Oh and Saturday was soooooo much fun. I'll have to remember to blog about that one.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Fine and Dandy

Well, the holidays are over. Unless you celebrate old world Christmas, then you've got til the 7th. I always said I'm gonna start celebrating on the 7th just so I can get all the after Christmas sales and save a ton of money on presents.

R started removing my Christmas decorations yesterday. I came home to find them all piled on the kitchen table. I guess I get to put away. That's ok. I have to sort out all the stuff I didn't use and don't want so I can get our basement in some sort of order. I have boxes of other stuff down there that didn't get unpacked the first time I moved. I'm seriously thinking I don't need that stuff anymore.

I actually meant to start on it last night, but we just got a new PS2 game called Cabela's Big Game Hunter and I hunted for about 4 hours yesterday. Got attacked by a wolverine and a Black Buck ran into my 4-wheeler. Got a nice 8x8 Elk though. Tonight will be the elusive Cougar. Or maybe tomorrow. Since I hogged the thing yesterday, it's R's turn to play. I guess I'll start cleaning the basement. Bleah.

I hope everyone had a nice New Year's holiday. We lazed around the house on Friday. R had to work, but only till about 11, so He played PS2 and I read my slutty romance novel. I am really becoming quite addicted to those. After a bit He laid down on the futon and I went over to join Him. He must have been sleepy from getting up early, but I wasn't. I rubbed His back for a while and then moved and realized only part of Him was sleeping. I rolled Him over and started to suck His dick. He let me go for a while, then stopped me and ordered me to take off my clothes. I climbed on top of Him, and, as He said, fucked Him like the energizer bunny. It was just one of those times that I just wanted to go and go and go fast. I couldn't help it. Then I saw the scrunchy-faced-oh-shit-don't-cum-yet look on His face. He told me to slow down, but I couldn't and I told Him that, and He stays hard long enough after He cums for me to right after Him. I prefer when we can time it together, but that just wasn't going to happen this time. We just both needed to cum and cum hard. Oh and I did. Course, if I didn't suck His dick so good, He wouldn't be so excited in the first place. Guess it's all my fault. Tee hee.

After that we left to go to *Our Favorite Bar*. We stayed up way too late and drank way to much. I think it was 6 AM by the time we went to bed - at NY's house because we couldn't drive home. R was telling me to give Him a blow job, but by the time I was out of the bathroom He was already out cold, so I took advantage of that and just went to sleep. Bad girl. We finally made it home by noon. Poor Z-dog was probably starving. I felt guilty about "wasting" the day, so I started vacuuming and stuff until R basically demanded I go lay down and take a nap because I had to work at 6 that night until close.

So I laid down and slept fitfully, I kept waking up hoping R would come in and take advantage of me. No such luck. I got up and got ready for work, worked till 2:30, had a little bit of a tiff with R after work, got 3 hours of sleep, got up at 7 and drove to Michigan on Sunday to go to Cabela's. Actually R drove. That's where we got the new game. And some pictures for the dining room. And some boots and gloves for R. And a sweatshirt and hat for me. Yeah. So I can bitch about my credit cards some more.

Sunday I got my period, too. Which would explain my extra-bitchy-ness on Saturday night after work. So I'm in a bit of a dry spell now. Yesterday I slept on my towel so R could take advantage of me if He wanted to, but again nothing. I'm going to have to ask Him about that tonight. I know it's not the whole wading in the red river thing - He doesn't mind that. He just won't drink from it.

What gives?