Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Tis the season...

It's the most wonderful time of the year. Right. So then why am I so stressed out? The tension between my shoulder blades is unbelievable. I haven't had sex in over a week. (OMG - I know.) Part of that is to be blamed on my period and one night of drunkeness. Other than that I have no excuse.

OK. No sex, that stresses me out - not just because I want it, but because I know R does too and He just isn't taking it. That brings on more worries. Why isn't He taking it?

Then there is the whole Christmas thing. Yeah, I know, a time of joy and giving. Whatever. It's a time of spending a bunch of money you don't have on a bunch of shit people don't really need reminding me that I am stuck at this job no matter what. Please don't get me wrong, I really do like giving. But I am SO sick and fucking tired of staring at my checkbook and realizing I've spent paychecks before they are even deposited. I keep trying and trying to catch up and shit just keeps happening to stop it. R will be laid off soon, and we will be really strapped. Not looking forward to that at all.

At least the alimony is over with in March. 3 more months. Suck it up.

OK. Sex and money. Guess those are valid reasons to be stressed. But it's just a big snowball effect. I worry, I don't have sex, I worry some more, I drink too many Absolute and cranberries on Sunday and don't eat enough. Almost get caught with His dick in my mouth when His brother brings the girls back from Christimas shopping. (Good thing we moved to the bedroom and didn't stay in the kitchen). Have a couple more beers, finally go out to eat. Consume a margarita. Go home, talk about having hot, raw, animal sex like last Tuesday. (Last Tuesday!) Pass out on the bathroom floor. With the door locked.

Oh yeah, baby. That's hot. R popped the lock, woke me up, and moved me to the couch. I passed out again. He got me up and I staggered to the bedroom. I don't know if I took my clothes off or if He did. But I was COLD. So I laid down and tried to cover up. I remember him smacking my ass trying to keep me awake. It was no use. I was out. The last I heard Him say was "This is bullshit, JaG."

I was drunk, trashed, blitzed, wasted. But that comment hit me. And I tried to stay awake, regain my senses and go back out to the living room. But I just couldn't. I woke up at 5 in the morning. I felt like shit. I tried to watch TV - I couldn't sleep anymore because my head hurt so bad. R was apparently a little upset as He was already up and back in the living room.

So not only did I physically feel like shit, I did emotionally as well. And I wanted so badly to make it up to Him yesterday, but I had the world's worst ever hangover from hell. OMG. There were some points when I actually wanted to die. Kept it all down though. Probably would have been better off to puke it up.

So today I feel better physically (for the most part), but feel pretty empty inside. I just cannot go this long without a physical connection. I just can't. But worrying about it makes my body hurt. Seriously, there must be a million knots in my back right now. I don't think it's healthy to worry as much as I do. And I know worrying does no good. But I can't control it. I am obsessive.

I need a release. Badly. I need Him to take control of me. I don't have the ability to do it right now.

I need some more hot, raw, animal, Tuesday night sex.

Smack my ass.

Smack my face.

Smack my tits.

Fuck me hard.

Make me forget everything but You.

Make me Yours again.


Blogger evilsciencechick said...

pft! so you got drunk and passed out, and he wanted some pussy, but didn't get it. poor baby. NOT THE END OF THE WORLD!!! He's a big boy, he can crank one out on his own without you there.

No sex for a week is harsh when you've been going hot and heavy, but it happens. And if you're relationship is going to work, BOTH of you need to deal with the occasional short dry spell.

do NOT freak out over this! Stress will kill a mood quicker than anything. And if he loves you, he's not going to kick up and leave over it. everything will be fine. You'll be back in bed like horny teenagers in no time :)

1:54 PM  
Blogger j said...

I know, I know. It will all be ok. I REALLY just need to learn not to be such a worrier. I make things seem a lot bigger and a lot worse than they really are. Major negative quality of mine...

3:48 PM  

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