Friday, September 16, 2005

A knot in my stomach...

I have the uncanny ability to worry about everything under the sun. If there isn't anything to worry about, I will create something. It really is a horrible habit that I wish I could break.

Right now R has Z-dog at the vet. It is just for her regular vaccinations and to refill her medications. Why I am worried is beyond me. I suppose my over-active imagination is telling me that they will discover that her cancer is far worse than I expect it to be and R will have to come home with out my doggie.

Her tumor is getting quite large, but aside from her very noticeable limp, she seems to be fine. She still plays and barks and eats and begs and does all of the other doggie things she has always done. It makes me very sad to think about it.

I don't want her to hurt, and a part of me, which causes me to feel much guilt, almost wishes that it would just take her, so the wait would be over. How selfish is that? But then I think about not having my doggie anymore and it just breaks my heart.

I have to stop now. It is making me too sad to think about it anymore.


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