I can't move past it. Unless...

Is it wrong to want to be punished for doing something wrong? Is it odd that I will continue to feel guilty unless I am punished? That being punished makes me feel absolved? Forgiven? Like I have been given a clean slate. It tells me, you were wrong, it is over, now you will start over and be good.

My smart mouth and nasty attitude can get me in trouble. I know this, usually as soon as the words form on my lips. Yet I don't stop myself and continue to spew until I have upset someone.

This time it was Him.

Will I be forgiven, or will I be forced to carry the guilt?

I suppose that would be a worse punishment for me. Almost like torture, as it eats away at me, a constant thought in the back of my mind.

Please forgive me.

I would like to try again.