Thursday, January 26, 2006

La La La La La...

Three things I would like to do, pretty much in the order I'd like to do them, if we have extra money in our tax refund. Or if we win the lottery. Which we don't play. So I guess we won't win.

Shut up, this is MY pretend-time.

1. Get my hair done.

Oh, but it is getting so stringy and the ends are splitting and the color is growing out, revealing *gasp* GRAY hair.

Gray.Hair. Not to mention I've basically had this hair, um, style (?) for approximately 12 years now. I don't even think I have the right to call it a style. It's just kind of there, growing out of my head and looking really boring. How can I be expected to live under these conditions? Surely, I'm much too young for this!

2. Buy a new, sexy outfit.

Shoes and all. I'm talking about stopping traffic here. Little dress, tall heels, slutty stockings. Oops, did someone get a peek at something when I reached over to get my drink? Tee hee. The kind of outfit that makes jealous girls mutter "Look at that whore!" to her friends. The kind of outfit that makes R say, "Holy shit, you are NOT leaving the house like that...Let's go." The kind that makes guys we know say "Damn! No wonder He married her. We TOTALLY missed out, dude." The kind that makes guys we don't know say, "Damn! Is she with Him? Because I'd like to get a piece of that. I'm gonna go talk to her." And when one tries, R shoots His this-is-mine-asshole-you-better-back-off look, causing the poor guy to retreat back to his beer and his friends with his tail between his legs.

3. Pay a visit to the strip club.

I have been to one in my whole entire life. In Las Vegas. I was so sleepy after flying through time zones and not sleeping on the plane that I couldn't fully enjoy it. I do remember that one of the stippers was a guy in drag. I did have fun though, and I'd like to go again. I'd like to watch R watch the girls dance. So long as there aren't any guys in drag. That could get ugly. Barring that, I'm sure He'd be all, "Oh, she's not that pretty. Her boobs are just TOO big. And seriously, why would she want to shake her ass like that? Right in my face! Can you believe it? I am just appalled."

Yes, I'm sure the conversation would be something similar to that. Because I would have on the aforementioned outfit, and nobody, NOT EVEN stripper girls with fake boobs, could POSSIBLY look better to Him than I.


This concludes my Thursday morning daydream.

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.


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