Thursday, October 21, 2004

Quitcherbitchen

*Warning*
There is a fair amount of complaining in today's entry. If you don't want to hear it, don't read it.

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I hate my job. I hate corporate America. I hate people that brown-nose. I hate that I am expected to brown-nose. I hate my window-less office. I also hate when my boss gives me stupid little piddly projects because he can't do them. Like this one: "Can you scour the internet looking for a site or a spreadsheet that the government or some other entity might maintain that would like what banks were bought by other banks. Same for savings and loans…they may be listed separately. Some key words might be: bank mergers or aquisistions."

I didn't tell him he spelled 'acquisitions' wrong. And that the first sentence is missing a word or needs a word or something, and a question mark.

I have tried every keyword I can think of and haven't found shit. I don't know how long he wants me to spend on this but it's giving me a headache. He gave it to me, I'm sure, because he couldn't find the information. I am usually very good at tracking things down on the Internet, but this one just isn't working for me.

Could be worse. The "Marketing Director" I share an office with has to call and make lunch reservations for 3, non-smoking, please, for my boss and 2 unknown attendees. At least I'm not his secretary. I mean, the "Marketing Director."

And I know. If I'm so miserable then I should find another job. Well, that's the problem. The jobs I feel I would enjoy don't pay much. And I can't afford the pay cut. Or to lose health insurance. Which really sucks. So I have to decide between paying bills, being able to go to the doctor, and being miserable for 40+ hours a week, or being content and broke. I don't know which would be worse, and I'm afraid of change, so I just suffer and bitch. The bitching helps sometimes, believe it or not. If I complain enough, someone usually says, "Well, it could be worse." Yeah, it could. I know. I'll shut up now.

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I'm cramping. That makes me even more grumpy. I don't know if the cramps I get are normal or not. Last night they were really bad, and all I wanted to do was sleep. I coudn't get comfortable though. Finally I curled up in a ball and was able to fall asleep. I woke up all stretched out and cramping again. Ugh. Usually they only last for 2 days though.

Does anyone have nightmares while on their periods? I have bad dreams other times, but it seems like a lot of them are when I am on my period. I'm curious about this. Can the hormone changes cause an upset in your brain that causes you to have bad dreams? The same hormone change that causes me to be all grumpy and weepy and moody? Is it because I'm more stressed during that time? Or am I just unlucky enough to have them both at the same time?

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On a happier note, I am excited about a gift I have been told I will be receiving. I'm not sure I'm ready to share the details of it. In this blog, it is not such a big deal. But our friends, family, and acquaintances may not all understand. There are a lot of people who pass judgment, and this would probably be something to trigger that. I don't feel the need to have to explain or justify my relationship with R. And as He said, it's nobody's business really.

We have stumbled upon something that seems to work well for us, however, even though I don't think we have worked out all the kinks. But do you ever in a relationship? It really is quite normal, if you look back through history at how relationships worked. For me, it was like that *click* I have been waiting for. (you know - *click* Oh My Gosh. That's it!) I have a strange feeling of comfort I've never had before. Sometimes it almost scares me. You know, that "too much of a good thing" thing? And then there are my liberal girlfriends who definitely wouldn't understand or accept it. Not that all is perfect all of the time. But there is much more harmony in my personal life now than I ever remember having. It's nice.

I really have to learn to not worry about other peoples opinions.

2 Comments:

Blogger evilsciencechick said...

A blog is a place where you can bitch all you want, and as long as the people you bitch about don't read it (bah. and even if they do!) you should feel unconstrained. I sincerly hope that's a word.

OK, now I'm all curious about the gift. Post it! Post it!!!!

Know how you feel about the "click." It's scary but comfortable all at the same time. nice!

10:43 AM  
Blogger j said...

I will post about it. Once I get it. It's hard to wait for something when you know you're getting it...

1:34 PM  

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