Thursday, April 28, 2005

Grin and bear it...

It's very lonely in my office today. My office mate worked from home yesterday (I don't have that luxury) and he is not in again this morning. I cannot listen to music in the office. It's so quiet I keep noticing the ringing in my right ear. Sometimes it's not that bad, but today I keep hearing it, and it's a bit annoying.

I had a horrible day on Tuesday. Our fax server, which we recently upgraded, decided that it couldn't process a fax with an ampersand in the subject line. Of course, WE didn't know this. We spent all morning and part of the afternoon trying to figure out what the hell was wrong. I had people calling me and emailing me constantly because they couldn't send out any work. I was running around like a moron trying to get our backup fax system working (it had been WAY too long since we updated it because we never use it, so only about 3 people could actually use it) Finally tech support called me back a little after 1:00. 2 hours later, after a long phone call with tech support, they finally found it, said it was a problem with our new driver and gave us a newer driver. What I can't figure out is if they knew the driver we upgraded to had this problem, why didn't they just update the driver immediately when they called me and saw it? They could have saved us a lot of problems, and I could have gone to lunch that day.

It is now Thursday and I am wishing it to be Friday because I just don't feel like I can take another day in this place this week. Every time my phone rings, I cringe. I am just so tired of dealing with problems here. Every one is so high strung and everything has to be done yesterday. It makes my head hurt. I wish my life away waiting for the end of the week to get here. I spend nine hours a day hating it. Eight maybe, if I don't count when I get to leave for lunch.

There has to be more to life than this. Sure, I'm happy at home, when I'm not dwelling on the fact that I have to go back to work the next day. There had to be something out there that I can do, and enjoy it (for the most part, I know all jobs have crap to deal with), and make money. The make money part is the problem. There are plenty of things I think I would enjoy, even look forward to, they just don't pay well.

I'm tired of corporate America. I want out of this industry, at least at this level. I don't want a hig-powered job. I am tired of the CEOs and CIOs and Whatever-Os that treat me like a nothing. I'm tired of going to meetings that tell us how to sell our company to potential clients. Fortune 500. So what?

I'm tired of people asking my how my day is going, and lying by saying "fine". It's not fine. I'm miserable. I can't even see outside and tell if it is raining or sunny or snowing or ANYTHING. I'm tired of pretending to care about this stupid company. I don't care to make them rich. I really don't. I can understand why they get excited about this place. They make the big money. They created the business and made it big and sold it to *Big Name Title Insurance Company*. The new policies and corporate bullshit don't bother them, because they made a killing off of the sale.

What can I do? Go back to college? For what? I want out of this industry, at least at this level. I don't want a hig-powered job where I have to drive all morning in rush hour traffic to get to some stuffy office filled with big-wigs and wear high heels and itchy business suits and try to please people I don't even like. Start my own business? Ha! Doing what? I have no talent. My computer knowledge is decent but not good enough to stand on my own. Owning a retail establishment (what kind I won't say), is something I think would enjoy. That's out of the question because I have no startup. I can't even get my credit cards paid off, let alone think about saving up money to try something that risky.

I don't know what to do. I feel so trapped. I don't know where to begin to change this. I keep hoping that if I keep thinking about it, all of a sudden this master plan with pop into my head and I can live happily ever after.

I just really need a hug right now.

That would help a little.


Blogger evilsciencechick said...


wish I could help you!

2:19 PM  
Blogger Jack said...

It'll get better. Or maybe it won't. But you're strong enough to get through this. I'll be having good thoughts for you. Stay strong and chin up.


10:26 PM  
Blogger j said...

Thanks. At least it's Friday.

Oh, and Jack, thx for the link.

10:46 AM  

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